Friday, September 25, 2009

My Violent Heart...

...will be posted tomorrow if all goes well. will work on it tonight at a friend's house. yeah.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


There is a long awesome Trent monologue in chapter eight.
Both his history and some Year Zero world history :)

Give Me Novacaine (Trentvey Songfic)

by: suki self-destruct
For Losty.
I do not own the song off this was based. "Give Me Novacaine" belongs to Green Day. Trent and Davey own themselves. All I own is the plot. Thanks.


From where I sat in the corner of our room, I could hear Davey’s fitful sleeping, his constant shifting. I sighed. He was having another nightmare. As silently as I could, I stood up and walked over to our bed.

Davey’s long, tangled black hair was spread over his pillow and stuck to his skin with his sweat. His pale face was twisted into a pained, scared expression. It almost hurt to see him like this. Sitting down on the bed, I carefully took his thin hand in mine. He tensed suddenly, wrapping his hand tightly around mine and digging his painted nails into my flesh.

Without warning, Davey’s brown eyes snapped open. His only expression was fear -- pure, intense fear.

“Trent,” was all he said, rather faintly, before launching into my arms. I wrapped my arms around his shuddering shoulders as he cried.

“Take away the sensation inside. Bittersweet migraine in my head,” he whispered, “it’s like a throbbing toothache of the mind. I can’t take this feeling anymore…”

“I’ll drain the pressure from the swelling, babe,”

“This sensation’s overwhelming,” he muttered, “out of body and out of mind,”

I asked if I could do anything for him.

“Kiss the demons out of my dreams,” was all he answered with,.

I pulled him onto my lap and pulled him closer to me. Wiping away his tears with one hand, I kissed him, softly and slowly. Davey hesitated a bit before kissing back, his tears slowing. He quietly moaned as I entered his mouth with my tongue.

We pulled away after about a minute. Davey looked better now and I smiled.

“I get the funny feeling that’s alright,” I told him.

“Drain the pressure from the swelling…this sensation’s over whelming. Give me a long kiss goodnight and everything will be alright. Tell me that I won’t feel any pain,” Davey answered in a whisper, before gripping my shoulders and pushing me backwards so that I was laying down now. His lips fell onto mine and we kissed again, clinging together, feeling eachother again. I gently nibbled his lip ring and my tongue played at the corner of his mouth, sliding in as he let it.

After a while, we broke apart and fell asleep, Davey safely and peacefully in my arms.

“Give me Novacaine..” he mumbled in his sleep.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Violent Heart Teasers

Trent sulked in an armchair as I cuddled on the couch with Davey. Beside us, Billie Joe and Tre were tangled up in eachother's warmth.

"There are too many gay men in this house!" Trent declared, glaring at us.

"Aw, you're just jealous because we're all so hot!" Billie Joe laughed.
Only teaser you're getting for this.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Capital G Teasers

I pushed a button and elected him to office and-a
He pushed a button and he dropped the bomb
You pushed a button and could watch it on the television
Those motherfuckers didn't last too long -- ha ha!

I'm sick of hearing 'bout the haves and the have-nots
Have some personal accountability
The biggest problem with the way that we've been doing things is
The more we let you have the less that I'll be keeping for me

Well I used to stand for something
Now I'm on my hands and knees
Trading in my God for this one
And he signs his name with a capital G

Don't give a shit about the temperature in Guatemala
Don't really see what all the fuss is about
Ain't gonna worry 'bout no future generations and-a
I'm sure somebody gonna figure it out

Don't try to tell me how some power can corrupt a person
You haven't has enough to know what it's like
You're only angry 'cause ya wish you were in my position
Now nod your head because you know that I'm right -- alright!

Well I used to stand for something
But forgot what that could be
There's a lot of me inside you
Maybe you're afraid to see

Well I used to stand for something
Now I'm on my hands and knees
Trading in my God for this one
And he signs his name with a capital G.


There will be no chapter seven teasers. Even if it takes me a year.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Year Zero Fic Mix

my almighty playlist that I put on when I write Year Zero. you honestly don't think that I only listen to NIN when I write this, do you?

It is as follows:
-- "Testify" Rage Against the Machine
-- "21 Guns" Green Day
-- "Survivalism" Nine Inch Nails
-- "The Line Begins to Blur" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Terrible Lie" Nine Inch Nails
-- "The Fragile" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Me, I'm Not" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Move Along" The All-American Rejects
-- "March of the Pigs" Nine Inch Nails
-- "The Static Age" Green Day
-- "Letting You" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Californication" Red Hot Chili Peppers
-- "Head Like a Hole" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Peacemaker" Green Day
-- "How Far We've Come" Matchbox 20
-- "Minority" Green Day
-- "In This Twilight" Nine Inch Nails
-- "The Beginning of the End" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Viva La Gloria!" Green Day
-- "Head Down" Nine Inch Nails
-- "I Fought the Law" Green Day
-- "American Eulogy" Green Day
-- "East Jesus Nowhere" Green Day
-- "Holiday" Green Day
-- "American Idiot" Green Day
-- "The Hand That Feeds" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Capital G" Nine Inch Nails
-- "Through the Fire and Flames' Dragonforce
-- "Vertigo" U2
-- "End Transmission" AFI
-- "Alice of Human Sacrifice" Vocaloid

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

AKA: My big-ass long post about my Year Zero inspirations.

The biggest inspiration I have had for this was where I got the inspiration to write the original "Survivalism" one-shot. And that was the actual Survivalism music video.
Long story short, there's a few clips of boysex. I made them Davey and Jade and told the story of the music video from their POV.

In a similar strain of inspiration is the YA novel, Little Brother, by Cory Doctorow. The arrest scene in "Survivalism" was -- subconsciously at the time -- influenced by the one in here. Read it. It's hella amazing and you can download it -- legally -- for free at this link.

The album Year Zero itself once I started writing the full fic and not just "Survivalism" and a couple of prequels.

The Year Zero ARG. Especially... (water poisoning, some of the way people are treated, etc) (the site that Nils sent Davey to in Hyperpower! as well as Parepin vs non-Parepin behavior, and Opal = Parepin) (very, very sad but helped me with my Parepin vs non-Parepin emotional states) (punishments, other stories) (Prozira!!, more on Parepin, a bit on Opal = Parepin)
[big thank you to NINWiki for keeping this organized!)

Bits and pieces of other Nine Inch Nails albums and songs, in particular...
Most of The Slip
"The Hand That Feeds" from [With_Teeth]
"March of the Pigs' from The Downward Spiral
"The Fragile" & "Into the Void" from The Fragile (major in creating Davey's character)

My friend, Losty, actually. When we put out heads together, we created some insane Presence-related conspiracies which have the potential to show up in Year Zero.

The Maximum Ride books, to a minor extent. Mainly the surveillance.

Green Day. "Viva La Gloria!" is one of the songs I listened to while working on chapter 16 (heh). Between 21st Century Breakdown and American Idiot (and "Minority!") there is quite a bit of Green Day on my "Year Zero Fic Mix." (oh yes, either Davey or Jade was in the class of '13 XD...Davey, I think).

Individual Songs:
-- The Matchbox 20 song "How Far We've Come." It's about the end of the world. Exactly.
-- "Testify" by Rage Against the Machine
-- "Vertigo," U2
-- Interestingly enough, "Alice of Human Sacrifice" by Vocaloid. The Red Alice is a lot like Trent, it seems, and the Blue Alice reminds me of Davey.

I have a feeling that another scifi book I'm reading, The Tomorrow Code by Brian Falkner, will have an effect on this.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Minority Series

American Idiot is in planning, 21st Century Breakdown is being edited, and Don't Forget Me is being written.

American Idiot
Christian J. Armstrong leaves his stifling suburban home in search of adventure, love, and drugs. On the way, he gets addicted to the drug Misery, makes friends, loses them, and possibly meets the love of his life. Based off the Green Day album American Idiot, prequel to "21st Century Breakdown."

1. American Idiot
2. Jesus of Suburbia
I. Jesus of Suburbia
II. City of the Damned
III. I Don't Care
IV. Dearly Beloved
V. Tales From Another Broken Home
3. Holiday
4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams
5. Are We The Waiting
6. St. Jimmy
7. Give Me Novacaine
8. She's a Rebel
9. Extraordinary Girl
10. Letterbomb
11. Wake Me Up When September Ends
12. Homecoming
I. The Death of St. Jimmy
II. East 12th Street
III. Nobody Likes You
IV. Rock'n'Roll Girlfriend
V. We're Coming Home Again
13. Whatsername

21st Century Breakdown
Gloria Nesser is a nonviolent revolutionary who started the famous Class of Thirteen at the beginning of the year. Since then, the not-so-peaceful Christian Armstrong -- an Opal junkie with a mysterious past -- has been yearning for her. What happens when they finally meet, hearts collide, and shit hits the fan with the Class of Thirteen? Based off the Green Day album 21st Century Breakdown. Sequel to "American Idiot," prequel to "Don't Forget Me."

Act One: Heroes and Cons
1. Song of the Century
2. 21st Century Breakdown
3. Know Your Enemy
4. ¡Viva La Gloria!
5. Before the Lobotomy
6. Christians Inferno
7. Last Night on Earth
Act Two: Charlatans and Saints
8. East Jesus Nowhere
9. Peacemaker
10. Last of the American Girls
10 1/2. Death to the Ones at the End of the Serenade
11. Murder City
12. ¿Viva La Gloria? (Little Girl)
13. Restless Heart Syndrome
Act Three: Horseshoes and Handgrenades
14. Horseshoes and Handgrenades
15. The Static Age
16. 21 Guns
17. American Eulogy
18. See the Light
Epilogue: Homecoming
I. The Deaths of Christian and Gloria
II. The City
III. Catastrophic Hymns From Yesterday
IV. Deadbeat Holiday
V. 21st Century Breakdown (reprise)

Don't Forget Me
Am I going crazy?
Is is that he hates me?
Now I'm alone again,
Everything to gain,
Nothing to lose.
Is life what you choose?
I didn't want him to die.
Don't forget me...
Sequel to "21st Century Breakdown."

Prologue: After the Lobotomy
1. Basket Case

Current Projects -- as of 1/15/10

Havok's Downward Spiral/Puget With Teeth (Javey) -- on permanent hiatus
Year Zero (Javey) -- in progress. First ten chapters are written/posted to AFISlash, eleven in progress
And You Could Have It All (Trentvey) -- finished
A Pretty Hate Romance (Trentvey; sequel to And You Could Have It All) -- in progress
The Day The World Went Away (Trentvey; coauthored by fuckedupheart/blaqkmess/my wife) -- in progress
Beside You (In Time) [Trentvey] -- completed
American Idiot [original] -- prequel to 21st Century Breakdown, in plannin
21st Century Breakdown [original] - completed; in editing
Don't Forget Me [original] - in progress/planning


here's one my friend, Lilacheart, made me:

And one I made:

Me, I'm Not Teasers!

OKAY. I am so so so soooooooo sorry that this has been taking so long. I've been writing this for like 5 days now and I'm barely past a page. x_x

So, teasers. I'll add to this every day until it's posted.

teaser one:
For the second time that day, I’d seen Trent kill someone. For the second time that day, the sound of a gunshot rang in my ears. For the second time that day, blood and flesh covered floors and walls. And for the second time that day, Trent stood above a bleeding corpse, holding a gun.

teaser two:
"I'm just so, so afraid.”
"Sometimes, the best part of anything is being scared," I replied, meeting that steady gaze of his.

teaser three:
“We’re leaving, so screw you,” Trent half-growled in reply, pulling his trigger while aiming at this unknown soldier’s heart.
“Fu--!” was the only noise, other than the gunshot, that was heard as the soldier fell to the dusty ground, forever silenced and bleeding.

teaser four:
"Listen, Dave, let's just escape and think about Trent later, okay?" I suggested, squeezing his fragile hand. With his other hand, Davey wiped away some of the tears. The expression in his eyes was now one of resigned protest as he squeezed my hand back.

teaser five:
“RUN!” Trent shouted as red lights began flashing their bloody flares in sync with the sirens’ wails. Gripping Davey’s hand with my pained but not broken-slash-disjointed hand, I ran out of the cell and down the hallway Davey clung to my hand and followed, his sobs stifled by our run and the wailing sirens. .My bare feet scraped on the rocks and dirt as I went along. A good few feet ahead of us was Trent, also running, who was still holding the gun.

teaser six:
As I approached Trent and the gun, the smell of smoke and burning fabric and burning flesh drifted down the hallway.

These are out of order. They go like this: 5, 3, 1, 2, 4, 6

Monday, September 7, 2009

Vessel Teasers!

This is for those of you hooked on Year Zero. It will NOT be updated today, tomorrow at the earliest, so I'm giving you all a few teasers to sate your hunger for more.

The First Official Hundam Chapter includes...

The Cause of Hunter's Death:
“When?” Davey wondered aloud, fear creeping into his whispered tone. “When was he killed and who was the bastard who did it?!”
“February fourteenth,” Adam finally told us, “he was getting ‘interviewed’ -- he died at three PM of water poisoning.”

“Water poisoning? What’s--?”

“It’s when you drink so much water that your electrolytes become severely unbalanced,” Trent answered. “Not a fun way to die, but a favorite here.”
Hundam Admitted!:
“Funny, isn’t it,” Adam remarked after a minute of silence, “that he died the Valentine’s Day after I realized I loved him…”
...okay, those are the only two excerpts from the chapter that I'm posting. For now. I'll post some more if I don't update it tomorrow.


IT HAS BEEN confirmed today at 2 in the afternoon that Suki Self-Destruct's widely acclaimed serial science fiction, "Year Zero", will indeed have a Hundam (denoting the homoseuxal relationship between Hunter Burgan and Adam Carson of AFI) sideplot to complement the main Javey (relationship between Jade Puget and Davey Havok of AFI) focus.

Ms. Self-Destruct (Suki to her friends, signing autographs and reviews with S. Self-Destruct) commented on the matter: "Why else would Adam be so...distraught over Hunter's death? Sure, they were best friends, but seriously. Going as far as to join the military to forget about it? Are you kidding me, the Hundam is evident."

This was first revealed publicly in her Twitter -- a popular microblogging social networking site -- update, saying this: "Hahaha diving into the epic Hundam part of Year Zero! oops, did I say a little too much...?" which was posted around 2 PM (Arizona time).

When the next chapter of "Year Zero" is posted on the popular fanfiction site AFISlash, the 'Hundam' tag will be added to it.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Good Soldier tidbits

I posted tidbits from chapter for on twitter tonight.

“Fairly simple. Find their weak point and -- strike!” Trent replied, laughing a bit.

He’s bleeding, I thought, he’s bleeding and possibly dying and I can’t do anything and oh my God he’s bleeding. He’s bleeding.

this was given to some of my friends:
“What the hell was that for?!” Adam yelled, grabbing my arm as I moved to pull back. He twisted it backwards quickly, pushing it hard against my back and I nearly screamed in pain. A gruesome pop! sounded as my shoulder slid out of its socket and dislocated. Now, I was looking down at the ground, blinking through tears of pain and trying to make it hurt less.